


We are living in a dream

by ADreamIsAWishYourHeartMakes



Category: Cormoran Strike Series - Robert Galbraith
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:02:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25827889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ADreamIsAWishYourHeartMakes/pseuds/ADreamIsAWishYourHeartMakes
Summary: A what if story...
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	We are living in a dream

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading

Strike woke up with a start! For a moment he didn't knew who was driving and couldn't understand why he was in a car and not in his own bed!

Shanker brought him back to reality! "You dozed off Bunsen. We are almost there."

Right! He had asked Shanker to drive him to Masham to speak to Robin since the past days he didn't managed to speak to her on the phone.

Strike tried to shake off the dream he saw in the few minutes he managed to close his eyes. He was running to get as soon as possible into the church where Robin's wedding was taking place, out of tiredness he knocked over some flowers, bride, groom and all the guests turned around to see him and he felt so embarrassed! Robin looked at him and smiled, she was so beautiful, her smile made him hurt, it was her turn to say "I do" which she did still looking at him and Matthew was stony-faced standing beside her. The ceremony was over, she was married walking down the aisle leaning at Matthew's shoulder, before exiting the church she smiled to him once again and he smiled back.

The emotions must be written all over his face because Shanker was asking him if he saw a nightmare.

"Yeah it felt like it!" he responded and it was the first time he was honest! He felt Robin's wedding to Matthew like a nightmare. Through the last few weeks so many emotions run through him that he suddenly felt very tired.

Robin being married from now on would be the end of his fear that he might do something to put at risk their working relationship but that was not his only fear. He feared some days back that Robin would leave him anyway at some point because Matthew didn't like her job and her working with him and he would be left with nothing! This fear went away when he fired her! He had put an end to it himself!

But mostly he felt anger! Anger at himself because he couldn't do anything to prevent Robin from doing a mistake. Anger at Robin who couldn't understand how wrong her decision was. He was angry because she didn't listen to him and put his business and herself at risk again and angry at him for not being there to protect her. He was also angry with Shanker because he went behind his back and helped Robin with her plan but he felt also grateful that he was there with her. But when all his anger went away he felt empty and the feeling slowly growing in him was disappointment!

There were other feelings too but he avoided them until this very moment! He had told himself that there was still time but he realized there wasn't any left. The least he could do now is wish her well, offering her job back, get some drinks and go back to London. He had a few things that had to be done.

He glimpsed at his watch, they were bloody late, the ceremony would be at the end when they arrive and he remembered his dream again. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to go in, maybe he should just wait for them outside…. His thoughts were interrupted by Shanker.

"Hey Bunsen there's the church." He said, drove the last few meters and parked the car.

"Thanks for this mate" said Strike and got out of the car. He started to run the best he could and when he finally got to the door he stopped to take a breath. He put his head at the door and felt the cold wood soothing against his heated flesh. When he was ready he slowly opened the door but there was something wrong… The church was empty!

Once again that day he took a look at his watch and saw that despite being late the ceremony should be at the last ten minutes. He wondered if he didn't remember the time correctly he was sure he wasn't mistaken! Maybe the ceremony ended a few minutes earlier he told himself and walked slowly back to the car. It was then when he first noticed the absence of other cars. Shanker waited for him outside the car, smoking.

"What happened, Bunsen? It's the wedding over?" he asked.

Strike took out his own packet of cigarettes out of his pocket and lit one. He was lost in deep thought but he managed to answer Shanker's question.

"I don't what's going on." He admitted. He felt unsettled, something wasn't right at all. "Even if the ceremony was over there should be still be people around and there isn't even a car to be seen."

"What do you want us to do?" asked Shanker.

Strike continued smoking considering their options and what might have happened. Did the wedding take place but ended earlier than planned? Should he call Robin and tell her he is in Masham and ask her where the reception was taking place? Should he do nothing, admit that he failed and go back to London empty handed? He was so damn tired that he couldn't make up his mind as to what had to be done!

"Come on" he said suddenly. "Let's go to the pub and have a pint."

He began to walk and Shanker followed him. They entered the pub and ordered to pints while they sat at the bar. The pub was almost empty, only a few people felt like drinking so early in the morning. Strike and Shanker drank in silence. Strike lost in his thoughts and Shanker didn't want to disturb him.

Strike took out his phone and dialed Robin's number and ended the call when he thought that Robin wouldn't have time to answer her phone right now. He decided to finish up his beer and ask the bartender for information. He would go to the reception, offer Robin her job back if she still wanted it after the way he fired her and leave. He didn't want to ruin her wedding day.

The door opened and two men came in and sat next to him. They placed their orders and waited for their pints. Strike finished his beer and was about to ask for any information that the bartender could give him when one of the men started to talk.

"Hey Pete, did you hear about the Ellacotts?

"What about them?"

"Their daughter canceled the wedding this morning."

"What the fuck?"

"Yeah I saw Michael earlier while he was heading to the Cunliffe's house."

Strike couldn't believe what he just heard! Robin canceled the wedding, the ceremony didn't even took place. His mind was in a state of turmoil. So many questions came up that he needed answers for. He started to worry and hoped that Robin was alright! He wanted to see her but didn't know if that was the right thing to do.

The two men continued their conversation and Strike ordered two more beers not sure what should be done next!

"Hey did you hear that?" Shanker asked him.

"Course I did" answered Strike still not able to believe that what he overheard took place indeed.

"What are you going to do?"

"I have to talk to her but I have no bloody idea if it's the right moment" replied Strike.

"Come on mate let's go out for a smoke you seem like you need it."

Strike followed Shanker out of the pub and they both started smoking. "Bunsen since we are already here try to find her and tell her what you came to tell her in the first place. That's what I'm thinking."

Strike knew that this was the logical thing to do but all was a mess and he didn't know how he could fit in all this. Both families would be in a weird state and many things should be done and he couldn't bring himself to act one way or another. When he finished smoking he went back to pub and ordered another pint and a whiskey.

Meanwhile Robin was sitting on the bed in her old room that would probably be her new room from now on. She was thinking about last night's discovery and the dream she saw.

After they went out to celebrate with family and friends their last night as single people she and Matthew went each to their home since it was bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding.

She was a bit tipsy from the many wine she had drank and found the courage to call Strike. She wanted one last talk with him. She wanted to let him know that despite everything that had happened she was grateful to him for helping her realize that it was never too late to follow your dreams and even if he didn't want her back she would try and find another job like the one he took away from her.

She didn't have time the past hours to check on her phone so she was surprised when she went to her call history and didn't find anything. Despite the fuzziness she was sure she didn't do it by accident and then it hit her! Matthew! She knew better than to trust him with her phone and computer and changed her pass codes from time to time and was careful not to give them to him but two days ago she did. But why on earth would he delete her call history? "Cormoran" she murmured to herself. He had tried to call her when she was in the bathroom and Matthew was there to see the caller's ID.

She found his name and saw that his number had been blocked. She was so angry at herself and Matthew she thought of calling him and demand of him to tell her why he did it but she realized she didn't have to ask him, she knew why he did it! Anger then gave his place to disappointment! She would never be able to do the job she wanted with Cormoran or somebody else if she was going to marry Matthew. He wanted different things and had other dreams, their paths didn't collide anymore! But tomorrow was their wedding day. Could she go through with it knowing that by doing so she would have to let go of the thing she loved most?

She felt tired and the only thing she wanted to do is put her thoughts to rest. She couldn't just make a decision right then! Anger was a bad advisor she knew that from experience!

When she woke up the next day her dream felt so real that she wanted to cry. Cormoran came to her wedding and she saw him because he knocked over some flowers, he was battered and he smiled at her melancholically while she said her "I do" looking at him, she was married and walking down the aisle, walking by Matthew's side passing Cormoran and leaving him behind, leaving her dreams behind. It was then that she realized that the biggest problem in their relationship wasn't Matthew deleting things from her phone but that both she and Matthew grew apart, wanting different things from their lives and from each other. She was determent to leave the things he did in the past and start over with him as his wife but that wouldn't work! Matthew would always find a way to ruin things related to her work and she meant when she said to her mum some weeks ago that she would let nobody come between her and her work.

She went down to the kitchen where her family was taking breakfast and from that moment on it was like she was living in a dream! She told them that she felt sorry but she couldn't get married to Matthew. She asked of her father to go to the Cunliffe's house and bring Matthew with him so she could talk to him and her mother to start calling the guests from their side. She didn't wait to hear anything, went back to her room and got dressed.

When her dad returned with a worried Matthew, Robin tried to explain to him as calmly as she could why she decided to not go through with the wedding. She told him that it was a mistake in the first place that she let him convince her to go back to him, his actions from the past would always come back and haunt their future, she told him she found out about what he did with her phone and that she couldn't forgive him for that because he knew how much she loved her job and how sad she was when she lost it!

Matthew listened to her stony-faced and tried to convince her that everything he did was for her own good. They would be married, have kids, she couldn't have a job that would put her in danger every day, she should find a better job so they could provide them the best! He said he felt sorry for cheating on her, that what happened affected him too, that he was young and didn't know how to handle the situation back then.

When Robin continued and told him that this wasn't the only problem and that she had figured out what he did with her phone he got furious!

"So you tried to call him?" he yelled. "You can't bloody forget about him even a few hours before our wedding? What's wrong with you? And then you wonder why I decided to keep him away from our live?"

"Matthew you know how much I love this job, I just wanted to try and get it back."

"Your job or him?" he asked. "What do you want Robin? Admit damn it! You don't want to marry him because you want to go back with him."

"Matt you know that's not true" she tried to calm him down.

"Did you sleep with him in that trip and you can't forget about him? All this can't be just because of a bloody job!" he was getting angrier with every minute that passed.

"Try to listen to me Matt for once in your life! Can you do that?" Robin took a deep breath and started over.

"Cormoran isn't the problem here. We are! I didn't sleep with him and despite that you think the worst about him he is a good man. We don't want the same things anymore and you came to the point to decide for me about my job."

She looked at him and saw that he tried to calm his anger and she continued.

"I don't trust you anymore not after the last thing you did. I wanted us to start over to get back to normal but now I see that it isn't possible. You hate what I want to do and in a way you made me choose. You have to admit that you don't want me as I am now Matt."

Matthew didn't speak and silence filled the room. "So you choose that ugly bastard over me?" she heard him say in a low voice.

"No Matthew I choose a job I love and I would like to continue doing it in the future and I know you would never be happy with me doing it and I would never be happy in another job."

"So you are gonna beg him to take you back?" he asked ironically.

"I don't know what I'm gonna do at least for now. Yesterday I wanted to speak with him and sort things out to have my head in place and enjoy our wedding but now I have to think things over."

"So that's it? That's how our story end's?" he asked.

"I think it's better now than later, while we both will be miserable and without a kid that would be miserable because of us. We have to face that we grew apart Matt and it's difficult to accept that our nine years together will not lead to a happy ending."

"Robin please you can't do this. Things are going to change once we get married. I won't say anything about the job you decide to do. You can even call him and ask him to take you back when we return from our honeymoon. We still love each other and we can make it work."

"I'm so sorry Matt but I don't believe you anymore! You say those things now but you will not keep your word. There were times when you seemed ok with me doing that job but you were pretending and I know that now, otherwise you wouldn't delete his calls."

"Robs I'm sorry! I just wanted him to leave us alone, to not bother you and make you miserable a few hours before our wedding. He fired you and I watched you being sad for days and I wanted to protect you, to protect us, our special day. Try to understand why I did it. Please let's go get married and if you need I'll talk to him myself and explain what happened and convince him to give you your job back.

"Oh Matthew I know that's not why you did it! I know you saw an opportunity and you took it! If you wanted me to have my job back you would just tell me that he called and you would let me decide on my own how to handle it. Please don't make this more difficult, let's part ways as friends."

"It's so easy for you right? You never try to understand me and it's always about you! You never thought how it is for me that you work in an office alone with him!"

"No it's not easy for me to end things only hours before the wedding and I can't even imagine what people are going to say about it but I think it's for our own good. You can't keep me locked Matthew and even if I was working somewhere else, there would be other men that you would have a problem with and that only proves that you don't trust me."

"I do trust you Robin but I don't trust men! Every beautiful woman in a working environment is a prey for them."

"Matthew that's not true and you know it! I don't know from where you have these ideas but you only manage to torture yourself."

"From where've got these ideas? I work with men and I see it happening every day! You want to tell me that he doesn't fancy you and that he wouldn't try to get you away from me if he got the chance?"

"I don't understand why we are talking about Cormoran right now. He is a gentleman and he was never inappropriate to me! My decision to cancel the wedding has nothing to do with him but with your actions!"

"Everything has to do with him can't you see it?" his voice began to raise again and another wave of anger shot through him. "Since you met him you only care about your job and you don't give a shit about me. He managed to change you to the point I don't recognize you sometimes."

"Yes I've changed but not because he changed me but because doing this job gave me back my self-confidence that was buried all those years under the weight of what happened to me! Yes he is encouraging me and that helps me improve but what you see is the real me."

"You are not going to change your mind? Whatever I say doesn't matter anymore."

Robin felt sad and tired. She was putting an end to a dream she had since she was in high school, she wouldn't get to the finish line after all, deep down she knew though that it was the right thing to do.

"No Matt I'm not going to change my decision, I'm sorry! She tried to get hold of his hand but he withdrew it.

"Don't!" he hissed "I don't want your pity! I don't want anything from you!" he turned his back to her and started walking away. Before exiting the living-room he stopped and without turning to face her he spoke: "When you come to gather your things from the flat make sure I'm not home, I don't ever want to see you again!"

Robin stood there with a mixture of feelings! Grieve and sadness for something that came to an end and part of her life for so long but also relieved that she didn't go through with something that started to feel wrong! She felt so overwhelmed that she started to cry. Her mother came in and hugged her.

"How did it go?" she asked. "Are you feeling alright sweetheart? Can I get you anything?"

"It could be worse" answered Robin burying her face in her mother's shoulder. I just want to go upstairs and be by myself for a while. I'm so sorry mum I put you all through this."

"Everything is alright sweetheart, we will be always here for you and you will always have our support! Now go to your room and try to calm yourself down."

From the moment she left her mum in the living-room two hours have passed and she was still in her room, sitting on the bed and watching out of the window, wondering what she should do next.

It was all quite in the house and Robin was lost in her thoughts when she suddenly heard laud voices coming from the kitchen. At first she thought Matthew came back because he couldn't let go of what happened but she realized it was her brother Martin. Then there where footsteps in the stairs and she thought it was just a disagreement Martin had with her parents. Her door opened and Martin stormed in, he was out of breath and his cheeks flushed.

"Robin…" he managed to say while trying to catch his breath.

Robin was watching him startled "Martin what happened?" she asked him. She was beginning to feel nervous, afraid that something bad might have happened.

"Robin, Matthew…" began Martin.

Robin's nervousness turned into panic and stood up abruptly. She wouldn't be able to forgive herself if something happened to Matthew! Despite that she realized they were wrong for each other she still cared for him.

"Martin please tell me what's going on." She asked, hoping that nothing bad happened.

"Your boss…" continued Martin.

Robin was more confused now than she's been before "What has Cormoran has to do with this now? Martin what happened with Matthew?" Robin's agony increasing with every moment that passed.

Martin finally managed to calm himself down, started to talk and said it all at once "Your boss is in Masham and Matthew bumped into him and started a fight."

Robin went pale unable to believe what she just heard but also a slight hope started to burn within her. Cormoran came here. Today! She knew Matthew was furious when he left the house and she knew also that he meeting Cormoran would only have fueled his anger.

"Please tell me exactly what happened and how did you find out?" she asked Martin.

"I saw them Robin. I had to go to the church and your boss was coming out of the pub that's near and Matthew was going probably back home when he saw him. He started to yell at him like crazy! He accused him that everything is his fault and that if it wasn't for him you two would be married now."

Robin hid her face in her hands "And what happened next?" she murmured.

Martin put an arm around her shoulder and tried to console her. "He continued yelling and insulting him and then he punched him."

"Oh my God! And what did Cormoran do?" asked Robin.

"At first he seemed confused because he couldn't understand why Matthew was accusing him and the punch took him by surprise but he did not react and only when Matthew tried to punch him again he tried to avoid the second hit and then someone stepped between them and tried to fend Matthew away." Martin reached out for a glass of water that was in Robin's nightstand.

"Here" he said "drink a little you don't seem well."

"Thank you" she murmured and while she drank she tried to put her thoughts in some order. She placed the glass back where it was and went to stand by the window.

She knew when Matthew began to have obsessive ideas it took the best of him and was grateful to Cormoran for not responding to Matthew's attempt for a fight. "Is that all?" she asked still with her back turned at Martin.

"The guy that came between them pulled Matthew away and said something to him and Matthew walked away when he realized that some people had stopped to see what was going on."

"And Cormoran?" asked Robin.

"The man that helped him must be his friend and as far as I could see he persuaded him back to the pub for a drink to calm their nerves. I don't know if they are still there."

Robin couldn't make up her mind. She wanted to talk to him last night but at this very moment she didn't know if it was a good idea. And if he came all this way here, why didn't he contact her? Should she just let him go back to London and try to talk to him a few days later or should she try and find a way to talk to him today in person? That's if he still was here and didn't already left for London.

"Robin what are you thinking?" she heard Martin's soft voice a bit closer to her now.

"I'm so confused Martin. I really don't know what to do. My whole life came upside down in less than 24 hours."

"How do you feel? What is that you want to do Robs? You know you can talk to me. Is there any way I can help you?" asked her brother.

"Thanks Martin. I know! It's just that I don't know how I feel and what I should do right now. She sat on her bed and Martin did the same.

"Marrying Matthew was a dream I had for so many years and that's why I decided to give him and our relationship a second chance but what he did showed me clearly that things wouldn't get any better if we were getting married today. I feel sad and angry but mostly confused."

"What you did today Robin might not be the easiest thing to do and especially only a few hours before the wedding but it was brave to face your fears and we are all going to be here for you. For whatever you need." Martin took a look at his watch, it was getting late and they had a few more things to do.

"Look Robs I have to go for now but if you need something just call, ok?" he got up ready to leave Robin's room.

"Martin, wait. I want you to do something for me."

"Yeah tell me."

"Can you go by the pub you saw Cormoran and see if he is still there?"

"Sure. Do you want me to tell him something if he still is?"

"No. Just call me and tell me. Ok?"

"Ok. Do you need something else? Should I go and get mum?"

"No. Thanks Martin. I need a little more time for myself."

Martin exited the room and once again Robin was alone. She asked him to look for Cormoran on an impulse but now she was doubting her decision. If he was still here would she call him and what would she say to him if she did? Was there any room for a conversation with him in a day her whole world came upside down?

Meanwhile Strike was still in the pub with Shanker drinking his fourth beer and second whiskey, trying to calm himself down. He never liked Matthew and the guy had some nerves to blame him because things went tits up in his life. Sure a canceled wedding only hours before the ceremony was a big deal but not being able to take responsibility for your shit was something entirely different. He wanted so badly to punch that tossers face but he wouldn't give him the satisfaction to drag him in his craziness.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't realize that the pub was starting to fill and that many of the people around were staring at him.

"Hey Bunsen, you ok?" asked Shanker who until that very moment didn't speak a word.

"Could have been better mate." Responded Strike and finished his pint.

"So what's the story here? Don't tell me there isn't one. They guy openly accused you of being the reason of his canceled wedding. Did you and Robin…"

"Shut it." Cut him Strike off. "If I had something to do with all this we wouldn't be here in the first place. I wouldn't have left things come to this point! I'm many things but not a coward."

"Then what's the story?" Shanker ordered another pint for him and voiced a silenced question to Strike who refused.

"There's nothing to tell. We work together and I care for her but that guy is the typical narcissist. He does everything perfect so the problem are the others."

"So you are telling me you are not in love with her?" asked Shanker.

"I'm not telling you anything. I just know his type. He is one of those men who consider themselves a gift to the world and the woman they are with and when something goes wrong because they screwed up they put the blame to those who aren't perfect and are entitled to be mistaken."

Strike remembered that he wanted to ask Shanker about Matthew and he was also in need to change the subject. "What did you tell him when you fetched him away the second time he tried to punch me?"

Shanker shrugged. "Told him that you might have a problem to punch his pretty face and that I don't have the same sensibilities as you. Also that I lost my chance for a good fight the previous night so it would perfect if he wanted to stay around and make it up to me."

Strike smiled. Despite that they were different he was very fond of Shanker. "Thanks mate for everything you did all these days for me even though I know some of them are going to hurt my budget big time the next days. Now drink your beer and let us head back to London. "

"Your budget isn't the only thing that's going to hurt the next days mate. So, I didn't want to push it before in the car but we drove all the way up here so fast like the devil was after us just so you could talk to her and ask her back to work? You could wait until she was back from her honeymoon or we could just show up in the reception and you…"

"Shanker, drop it. I didn't think of those options, ok? I was tired as fuck and I just didn't think straight."

"So you are not going to do what you came here for?"

"No. I don't think it's the right moment."

"Ok, Bunsen. Are you sure you won't regret it?"

"I'm not fucking sure but it seems the right thing to do right now." Strike finished his whiskey and went outside for a smoke. He needed some space and a few minutes to think things through. He lit his cigarette and let the familiar rhythm calm his nerves.

He thought back to Shanker's comments about his motives to be here today and if it was any truth behind his remarks. He was here because Robin was his partner and he realized he didn't want anybody else. Because he wanted her back to work and he wanted to tell her that. He wanted to be in the ceremony to show her his support and that he was her friend. That was all he told himself. "Is it?" asked him a little voice in the back of his head.

He saw her sitting on a bench and the light breeze was caressing softly her gold-strawberry hair which seemed to be a shade darker red now that the sun shone above them. She was sitting with her back turned to him and this gave him the time to observe her and calm himself down before he approached her.

He was in the car with Shanker on their way back to London when his phone rang. He was surprised when he saw the caller's ID. He picked it up, she didn't say much. There was only a request. He ended the call and turned to Shanker.

"Turn around, we are going back." Was the only thing he said to him in an attempt to avoid further explanations for now.

He started walking towards her and she turned around. She didn't get up but continued to look at him while he came nearer.

Robin heard footsteps in the grass and turned around and there he was. She had made her choice the moment Martin called and told her that Strike was still in Masham but was about to leave. After seconds of hesitation she picked up her phone and called him. She asked him if he could meet her in the backyard of her parent's house and he accepted. He was walking towards her and for the first time she saw that he wasn't his usually confident self.

Now he was standing in front of her and for the first time since they met the silence between them was filled with awkwardness. Now she could see his face better and saw that he was hurt and under different circumstances she wouldn't sit here without asking him what happened. Not, that she didn't care but she felt numb and disconnected. For a moment she wished she could be angry at him as she was the day he fired her, it would be so much easier to say what she wanted. But this exact moment she couldn't bring herself to break the silence between them.

Strike was looking at her and saw how hurt she was. He learned through the months they spend together to notice her reactions to things that were affecting her. He knew that it would be a bad idea for them to meet today but he couldn't deny her when she asked him to come. It was supposed to be a happy day for her and he hoped that offering her the job back would add some more joy to her happiness but now it seemed like a lame consolation price despite that he knew how much she loved her job, not only because she had confide it to him but because he saw it, felt it while they were working together.

He was never good with words especially when he needed to be. He didn't know where to start and what to say but he couldn't stand this silence between them any longer.

"Hello Robin" he managed to say and he felt like an awkward teenager in his first date.

"Hello Cormoran." She gestured to him to sit beside her. "You must be tired" she added.

Strike sat next to her and turned slightly so he could face her while they talked. "It doesn't matter. How are you?"

"Could been better" she tried to smile but failed to do so. "What happened to you?"

"It's a long story and not one that could be told today. Let's say I bumped into people that weren't very happy to see me." He smiled and Robin managed to smile this time too.

"How did you know I was here?" asked Strike.

"My brother saw you in the pub. He told me about what happened with Matthew. I'm sorry! He just can't accept that we are the only ones responsible for the things that went wrong in our relationship."

"Care to tell me what happened? It's ok if you don't." He wanted to reach out and hold her hand, she was trying to look brave but she seemed so vulnerable.

"There's no much to tell really. He did something that once again put me in a position to make a choice and I did." She didn't want to tell Strike the exact reason without knowing why exactly he came today in Masham.

"So what brings you here today?" she asked with a mixture of feelings. The whole day seemed so surreal. She was going through a turmoil of emotions not only because of Matthew but also because of Strike.

Did she want him to say what she much longed to hear? Could she forgive and forget the hurt he caused her when he fired her? Would it be like a justification for the choice she made this morning? She loved the job and was happy while doing it and was discovering things about herself that seemed to be forgotten. She grew to trust Strike and he became a kind of a friend to her so if he asked would she go back to work for him? No! She wanted more. She wanted to work with him not for him. Despite that he said she was his partner he fired her and she wanted to make sure she wouldn't go through the same pain again.

Strike took the pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and lit one. After a moment of silence he gathered his thoughts and started to speak.

"I made a mistake and wanted to correct it as soon as possible. I tried to call you and I even left you a voicemail but I knew you would be busy with the wedding preparations so I decided to come and talk to you in person. I wanted to tell you that I understand your motives and that despite putting everything at risk you saved a girl." He finished his cigarette and continued.

"I wanted to ask if you wanted to work in the office again and that you could come back as soon as your honeymoon was over." He was looking at her and this time he couldn't read the emotion written on her face. He was glad that at least it was not disappointment or anger.

"Why?" she asked looking straight into his eyes.

"Why, what?" he asked perplexed.

"Why did you change your mind Cormoran? You were pretty sure about your decision when you came that night in the flat." She could sense that Strike wasn't telling the whole truth to her.

The moment of truth for Strike came and he had no other choice but to answer the question.

"Because I have a share on the way you acted Robin and because I had also other motives for firing you."

"What do you mean?" Robin was surprised by his answer. She wasn't expecting something like this.

"We are supposed to be partners, trust each other and confide in each other but you felt like you couldn't talk to me again and you went behind my back. I was furious at you because once again you put yourself in harm's way without thinking of the consequences. You didn't even tell me afterwards what you have done. You kept me in the dark."

"Cormoran I…"

"Robin please let me finish." Cormoran felt beyond tired. He felt the last few days like years over his shoulders. He lit another cigarette and continued.

"I'm to blame too for what you did because I should've known better. I should've explained some things better to you. Sometimes in this job you have to be patient despite that what might happen is killing you. I also am to blame for leaving you out in an attempt to protect you. I was making progress with the identity of the killer but didn't share any of it with you. I want to be honest and if we are to start working together again it must be done with all the information on the table." Strike took a deep breath and continued… "The moment I fired you I knew it wasn't Brockbank. I'm sorry!

Robin felt disappointed in hearing him confess that he already knew the killer's identity but she also knew that there was more to it. "What were the other motives?"

Cormoran run a hand through his hair. He thought he had said enough but Robin wanted the whole story. She deserved the whole story in order to decide if she could come back to work.

"The other motive is personal Robin. I knew that once you were married you would leave the job at some point anyway. I knew Matthew and so I knew that he wouldn't let it go until you were faced with the decision to either keep your job or save you marriage. And even the moment I regretted firing you I realized that you were better off, driving safe to your hometown and far away from any danger!" Cormoran fell silent. Now she knew it all.


End file.
